I wanna bring you to show and tell
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You are the jesus of drinking
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
