Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
if i died would you start the facebook group?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
In other news, I just burned my penis
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
