i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize