paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
