I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
