A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Randomize
