so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
All I want is dick and wine.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
