pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
