Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
