Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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