Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I licked your asshole in confidence.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
The air taste purple.
Randomize
