Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
