Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Randomize
