I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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