If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
