The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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