Ketchup is God's man juice
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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