Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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