I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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