He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
