You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
