ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
