Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Randomize
