Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
