i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
