I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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