Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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