everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize