How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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