Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
