Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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