I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
50% drunk capacity currently
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
