took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
