Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
