So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
