What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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