OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
thus making me awesome and them whores
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
