seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
