Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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