oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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