Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
This is not my ceiling
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
