The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
