when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
