For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
The cops high fived after they tackled you
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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