This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I will be naked everywhere
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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