the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
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