I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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