I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Holy sore nipples Batman
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
