Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
