I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
