I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize