you turned your livingroom into a bong?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
