i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
