Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
