i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
