we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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