On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
