My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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