What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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