Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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