I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
