Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
