if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
