Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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