no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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