my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
