I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
honey bunches of taint.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Randomize
